Makeup Saves! When Ruth Went Full Jezebel
The worst thing you can do at the Registrar of Marriages office at Sheria House is to walk in alone. That place is the latter day Noah’s ark. They only let in animals in pairs. Woe unto you if you’re spotted “loitering with intent” with no partner or purpose around the reception.
An online application for marriage only takes effect when the status changes from queued to Notice Board. So when ours took more than three days to change status, I pulled up at Sheria House seeking an explanation. The reception area had no receptionist so I stood there reading the marriage notices of other couples on the notice board in a bid to acclimatize to the new environment. Big mistake.
A single person taking a keen look at the marriage notices at Sheria House is like a mean faced baby mama pacing up and down the church premises just before a wedding with baby in tow. Bad news. Security must have been watching me because as soon as I joined the dots on how people moved around the place, I went into what they call the pool office. Those in the pool office sit on sofas while those in the gallery where the notices are sit on wooden benches. Lanes. Security has to let you in though and that’s where I came unstuck.
“Shida yako ni gani boss?” the security officer asked me. I told him my application was taking longer than expected.
“Wapi makaratasi?”
Never mind the application was online. I logged into my eCitizen account and showed him.
“Hii bado. Ngoja siku tano kwanza. Ikipita Monday urudi hapa.”
Is that what they call summary dismissal? Anyway, when the application finally went through and we waited 21 days, we made another application for an interview. The earliest available date on the system was one week after our wedding. This time Ms Right took it upon herself to visit Sheria House in search of a rescheduling.
On the same day she was to reschedule, we were also scheduled for a brief video shoot with our wedding photographer. Ms Right was at Sheria House at 10 a.m. but she soon found out that those who visit without their partners are at a great disadvantage. Even the watchmen don’t entertain you. One of Ms Right’s strengths is reading the room. She knew she wasn’t having her way so she opted out and went to do makeup instead in readiness for the afternoon shoot.
If I quote the amount she spent on makeup that day, I will be in trouble. Suffice it to say that it worked wonders. It’s not advisable to visit a government office past noon but that’s the time Ms Right rolled up armed with expensive makeup, exaggerated eyelashes and the confidence of a well connected individual. It helped that the officials on duty that day were mostly men. The only question security asked was “How can we help you madam?” She was ushered into the office straight away without queueing before she could say the word reschedule. Whatever your problem, the minimum time you can spend at the registrar of marriages office is one hour. Ruth was done in 20 minutes flat.
It’s often said that when all else fails, keep showing up and find what will work. I say, ladies, if all else fails, turn up in makeup! Sometimes good old biblical plain Jane shamefacedness is not enough. A little Jezebel goes a long way!